Scars...A Year Later

As of yesterday it has been one year since Everett's diagnosis with Leukemia. As you all know it's been a very scary, up and down, year with several life threatening infections, many tears, and far too many sleepless nights. It seems odd to me how this will be the boys first 'real' Christmas since we spent last year's Christmas in the hospital and the year before they had just turned 1.

When your child is diagnosed with cancer, you become part of the community, for better or for worse. We have met so many children and as selfish as we try to be in focusing on our Christmas and how we spend it together as a family, there is a huge part of us who remembers our extended family. We think about Lily who lost her life before her second birthday. We think about 7 year old Ella who is currently under Hospice care. We think about Maggie who is undergoing chemo and radiation treatments. We think about Matt, Matty, Mose, Gilly, and the many others who have had it far worse than we have. I admit sometimes I try not to think it because as painful as it was before Everett was diagnosed it hurts ten times more now. I don't know where we would be right now if we weren't one of the lucky ones. As grateful as we are we never escape these feelings of guilt of being one of the blessed survivors...

We still discuss how much of his experience Everett will remember and what his feelings will be of the hospital. Ironically enough, visiting the hospital is one of his favorite activities still, even with the blood draws through a needle in his arm. For the next 2+ years it will be a 'fun' trip to the hospital to see our saviors, Mindy, Stacey, Dr. Tersak, and Dr. Friedling.

Both he and his brother have been through so much already and still have visible scars from the NICU from their central lines and nasal cannulas. Everett has scars from a PIC line as well as insertion points for his Broviac line in his chest. Even if he doesn't have many memories from spending the better part of his second year of life in the hospital and birth in the NICU, he will always have the scars to remind him and us of what we've been through.

We will take the rest of this year and enjoy it as a family but we plan to use Everett's cancer as a motivation for serving meals to families at Ronald McDonald house, starting a charity in his name, and being a shoulder for those who have it worse than us.

Take some time this holiday season and be grateful that you have the ones you love, remember the ones you've lost, and pray for those suffering, especially the children and their families. We escaped what could have been a horrifically painful Christmas with nothing but a few scars, but we are the blessed ones.

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12–13