We cried today, tears of immeasurable sadness, as our community stood beside Chad and Jessica McNellie as they said goodbye to their precious Ella, and while we cried, all the angels in heaven cried too, tears of joy, as God welcomed another angel Home.
My heart is broken for this amazing family. I have felt the gut-wrenching fear that a parent feels when faced with the possibility of a future without their child, and I can only imagine the grief and emptiness Ella's family must feel now that every parent's worst nightmare has become reality. No parent should have to travel the path Chad and Jess are facing, and I feel helpless knowing that all we can do is stand beside them as their world is forever changed.
Ella was a beautiful girl, with the most amazing smile I have ever seen, and an unbreakable spirit. She fought cancer, a terrifying adversary for most adults, with a courage beyond her years, and no matter how hard cancer fought back, she never gave up. In 7 short years, Ella taught us lessons that we will never forget about what is truly important in life, and we are all changed because she was here.
For the past few months it has been my fervent prayer that God would work a miracle and cure Ella's cancer. Selfishly, I prayed that he would do this here on earth, so that we could continue basking in the incredible light that was "Ella", but He had other plans. As we stood next to Ella's family and friends today, I realized that while it might not be the miracle I had been asking for, God DID work a miracle...Ella's cancer is no more. Her pain is gone. That beautiful little girl is enveloped in God's loving arms and she will never again know what it is to suffer. Because of Ella, hundreds of people, many complete strangers, will never be the same. Her story and her incredible spirit have made them better. Our human minds cannot understand why God chose to call her Home so young, but I rejoice knowing that Ella is finally free of the burden of cancer and she has an eternity in heaven to make up for all the things cancer took from her here on earth.
Christmas is just around the corner. For most of us, it is a time of wonder and happiness. As you attend church, open presents, and enjoy Christmas dinner with family and friends, take a moment to remember the McNellies and others who are struggling with their own loss. Pray that God will ease their burdens and bring them comfort, carrying them when they are too weak to go on.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Scars...A Year Later
As of yesterday it has been one year since Everett's diagnosis with Leukemia. As you all know it's been a very scary, up and down, year with several life threatening infections, many tears, and far too many sleepless nights. It seems odd to me how this will be the boys first 'real' Christmas since we spent last year's Christmas in the hospital and the year before they had just turned 1.
When your child is diagnosed with cancer, you become part of the community, for better or for worse. We have met so many children and as selfish as we try to be in focusing on our Christmas and how we spend it together as a family, there is a huge part of us who remembers our extended family. We think about Lily who lost her life before her second birthday. We think about 7 year old Ella who is currently under Hospice care. We think about Maggie who is undergoing chemo and radiation treatments. We think about Matt, Matty, Mose, Gilly, and the many others who have had it far worse than we have. I admit sometimes I try not to think it because as painful as it was before Everett was diagnosed it hurts ten times more now. I don't know where we would be right now if we weren't one of the lucky ones. As grateful as we are we never escape these feelings of guilt of being one of the blessed survivors...
We still discuss how much of his experience Everett will remember and what his feelings will be of the hospital. Ironically enough, visiting the hospital is one of his favorite activities still, even with the blood draws through a needle in his arm. For the next 2+ years it will be a 'fun' trip to the hospital to see our saviors, Mindy, Stacey, Dr. Tersak, and Dr. Friedling.
Both he and his brother have been through so much already and still have visible scars from the NICU from their central lines and nasal cannulas. Everett has scars from a PIC line as well as insertion points for his Broviac line in his chest. Even if he doesn't have many memories from spending the better part of his second year of life in the hospital and birth in the NICU, he will always have the scars to remind him and us of what we've been through.
We will take the rest of this year and enjoy it as a family but we plan to use Everett's cancer as a motivation for serving meals to families at Ronald McDonald house, starting a charity in his name, and being a shoulder for those who have it worse than us.
Take some time this holiday season and be grateful that you have the ones you love, remember the ones you've lost, and pray for those suffering, especially the children and their families. We escaped what could have been a horrifically painful Christmas with nothing but a few scars, but we are the blessed ones.
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12–13
When your child is diagnosed with cancer, you become part of the community, for better or for worse. We have met so many children and as selfish as we try to be in focusing on our Christmas and how we spend it together as a family, there is a huge part of us who remembers our extended family. We think about Lily who lost her life before her second birthday. We think about 7 year old Ella who is currently under Hospice care. We think about Maggie who is undergoing chemo and radiation treatments. We think about Matt, Matty, Mose, Gilly, and the many others who have had it far worse than we have. I admit sometimes I try not to think it because as painful as it was before Everett was diagnosed it hurts ten times more now. I don't know where we would be right now if we weren't one of the lucky ones. As grateful as we are we never escape these feelings of guilt of being one of the blessed survivors...
We still discuss how much of his experience Everett will remember and what his feelings will be of the hospital. Ironically enough, visiting the hospital is one of his favorite activities still, even with the blood draws through a needle in his arm. For the next 2+ years it will be a 'fun' trip to the hospital to see our saviors, Mindy, Stacey, Dr. Tersak, and Dr. Friedling.
Both he and his brother have been through so much already and still have visible scars from the NICU from their central lines and nasal cannulas. Everett has scars from a PIC line as well as insertion points for his Broviac line in his chest. Even if he doesn't have many memories from spending the better part of his second year of life in the hospital and birth in the NICU, he will always have the scars to remind him and us of what we've been through.
We will take the rest of this year and enjoy it as a family but we plan to use Everett's cancer as a motivation for serving meals to families at Ronald McDonald house, starting a charity in his name, and being a shoulder for those who have it worse than us.
Take some time this holiday season and be grateful that you have the ones you love, remember the ones you've lost, and pray for those suffering, especially the children and their families. We escaped what could have been a horrifically painful Christmas with nothing but a few scars, but we are the blessed ones.
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12–13
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