After a very brief break from treatment, Everett and I are back at Childrens for Consolidation 3. He was admitted Tuesday afternoon and has already received 2 of his 3 doses of chemo (Idarubacin) for this round. So far so good. Everett has been running the halls, playing in the playroom, making new friends, and searching for bugs in the healing garden (a wonderful outdoor garden area on the 6th floor). He gets so much attention here that I think he LIKES being here.
As for mom, I am desperate for a "normal" life. Before Everett was diagnosed, I might have told you our life was boring. Now, I would give anything for our boring life. The one before all this, when we took for granted that our children were healthy and we assumed that when we weren't at work, we would be spending our time TOGETHER, as a family. One day changed so much, and I often find myself wishing we could just go back. I wish Avery and Everett didn't know what it's like to spend their days and nights apart. I wish that Everett didn't have to be afraid once a week when it's time to change his bandage because he knows that "it's going to hurt". I wish that I didn't have to meet all these families who are walking the same terrible path that we are. Mostly, I wish that I didn't have to feel the constant fear that I carry with me day after day. I wish I could forget all about cancer, and that we could spend our summer like everyone else...splashing in the pool, running through the sprinklers, vacationing at the beach.
No matter how much I want it all to stop, we can't go back in life. We can only keep pressing forward. For now that means doctors appointments, inpatient stays, chemo, bone marrow biopsies and lumbar punctures, and far too much time away from each other. Everett is such a fighter and every day he shows me what true courage is. It's my job as his mom to be there beside him, fighting too, so that someday soon we can get back to our ordinary, boring life. Although I'm not sure our life will ever be ordinary again:)
Val
Reading this gives me goosebumps... and you're right, there's no way to go back. The only option is to look towards the future when both you, John, and the boys will be healthy and together again. You'll appreciate it more than ever before, and that's a blessing. I respect you so much for being so strong. Always sending you love! Xoxo
ReplyDeleteGod works in mysterious ways,everything happens for a reason sometimes we might not understand but god has a plan for each and every one of us.val stay strong keep your head up.everetts incredible fight is almost to completion. And let me tell u hun.i hav been there and back not.exactly the same as everett but I hav seen the bad. side and torture in the end it makes u a stronger person and treasure all the happy moments and little giggles that come from our children.u are an incredibly strong awesome mother and you will get through this hard time.and just remember there is someone out there always who is suffering worse unfortutely.
ReplyDeleteI love you always and will always be here for all of you,everetts a partof my heart too and I would give my all for him to see this through and live a long healthy happy life. I prayed to god to heal him and if he cant fix us both please just save everett.hes so young and deserves to live a full healthy life
ReplyDeleteAlways sending you.love and prayers!!!! And u are aloud to get.mad and scream and cry and then pick yourself back up and treasure everyday w your boys and john. Xoxo
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