After a very brief break from treatment, Everett and I are back at Childrens for Consolidation 3. He was admitted Tuesday afternoon and has already received 2 of his 3 doses of chemo (Idarubacin) for this round. So far so good. Everett has been running the halls, playing in the playroom, making new friends, and searching for bugs in the healing garden (a wonderful outdoor garden area on the 6th floor). He gets so much attention here that I think he LIKES being here.
As for mom, I am desperate for a "normal" life. Before Everett was diagnosed, I might have told you our life was boring. Now, I would give anything for our boring life. The one before all this, when we took for granted that our children were healthy and we assumed that when we weren't at work, we would be spending our time TOGETHER, as a family. One day changed so much, and I often find myself wishing we could just go back. I wish Avery and Everett didn't know what it's like to spend their days and nights apart. I wish that Everett didn't have to be afraid once a week when it's time to change his bandage because he knows that "it's going to hurt". I wish that I didn't have to meet all these families who are walking the same terrible path that we are. Mostly, I wish that I didn't have to feel the constant fear that I carry with me day after day. I wish I could forget all about cancer, and that we could spend our summer like everyone else...splashing in the pool, running through the sprinklers, vacationing at the beach.
No matter how much I want it all to stop, we can't go back in life. We can only keep pressing forward. For now that means doctors appointments, inpatient stays, chemo, bone marrow biopsies and lumbar punctures, and far too much time away from each other. Everett is such a fighter and every day he shows me what true courage is. It's my job as his mom to be there beside him, fighting too, so that someday soon we can get back to our ordinary, boring life. Although I'm not sure our life will ever be ordinary again:)
Val
